Plain, Without a Need to Explain

Awhile ago, I took a side trip with Avery to the clothing store at Mile Hi near the Manor in Camp John Hay, Baguio to buy clothes. Since I wasn't able to have some of my clothes laundered, I had to buy extra clothes to make it through tomorrow. After looking at a few shirts on display, I opted to get the plain t-shirts that were for sale.


Later tonight when I was wearing one of the shirts I bought (I know, I know -- unhygienic), I realized that I wish I was as low-maintenance as these tees. Simple, unencumbered, and free. No embellishments, no dramas, and no distractions.


I think it's time I embraced who I really am -- the me before I went through that phase when I realized that being me was the ultimate boredom. Maybe it's the right moment to go back and re-assess the things I truly am before I craved for affirmation from others.

Somewhere along the way I think I took a wrong turn and thought that having people tell me my worth would actually prove my worth. But I don't think it works that way. I should learn to be more assured of who I really am instead of trying to have people praise me. It's never that fulfilling anyway. The more I fill myself of these empty words, the easier I'll crumble. I don't need that.

I just need to be myself. Plain and simple. I don't need attention. I should be just happy being me.

Eagle-eye Vision is for Eagles

Sometimes, the key to happiness is delayed knowledge. At times, you only need to know enough to get you through the day, through the hour, through the minute, through the second. Just your portion to get you to survive for the moment -- nothing more.

It's the metaphor of the miracle of manna. I'm not big on the Bible and I believe that it's not holier than the next bestselling Coelho out there but it does have a number of beautiful metaphors to encourage you to go on with life. This Old Testament story of sustenance given to wandering Jews is an example. And the lesson is to take it one day at a time -- never to worry too much about what the future holds.

You only need enough to last you for the present; any more, and you sink in a downward spiral of madness. The future will come. The universe will expand at its own pace. Nothing you can do can make it can go any faster or slower. Everyone should exist to enjoy every breath, and take delight in the little servings of happiness whenever it comes. People need to be in the moment. When in grief, be sad. When angry, explode. You can always be sorry afterwards; you can make up for it later on. People will always affect people. To step out of one's emotions is to cease to be human. You shouldn't shortchange yourself of the experience by being too analytical, by being too calculating, by being too sly and paranoid about the next move.

You only need to guide yourself with love. I agree with a friend's recent post in Facebook: everything expires. You can't stop degradation or destruction. Again, the law of entropy will always lead us to disorder and disaster. But if you let love guide you, then you can make things better whatever the circumstance offers on your plate. Maybe you'll die before science even discovers human immortality, but in any case, if you did things passionately, step by step, everything will be all right when it's your turn to go.

Despite how I make broad strokes with these life statements, I think I am writing grains of truth. I won't declare it as canon law though. Things after all are different for everyone. But just for the sake of sanity, I will do this little by little. Baby steps. I'm not perfect just like everybody else. And just like everybody else I want to be alive. I don't understand what life really means and its OK. Nobody does and nobody will.

It's ok. It's just the way it is. I'm closing my eyes to the big picture. For today I only want the now.