I'm Gonna Be A Great Dancer

If I continue to believe we're all staying afloat in this ocean of circumstance, I have very good reasons to do so.

Right now my head hurts. It's such a quiet night apart from the random tricycle outside the village cruising at this hour. I'm thinking about how long and far I've gone, but I'm not sure if I'm gauging it properly. I guess at 24 I really should know more, but then I'm still besieged with the same nostalgia and the perpetual human discontentment with life.

To be clear, life isn't all that sad or bad. It's just that, I still don't get it. But then again I suppose nobody really gets what life means, so in a way (if being a part of the herd is any consolation at all) I guess it's ok. I shouldn't be entertaining thoughts about the meaning of life at 11:29 P.M. because the night has a way to make it more -- well -- dramatic. Which really isn't the best way to get things going.

Because -- you know -- once emotions get the best of you you get all f**ked up (pardon the word). You start wondering what the hell you're doing stuck in a job when you could be somewhere else. You begin to think if you're wasting your life waking up every morning doing the same things over and over. You get irked by the fact that life is a constant uphill climb to that cliff where the final Spartan kick from the back pushes you to your miserable death. You then suddenly fear for the future and you grow wary of your mortality.

Humanity is circumstantial. And so is everything else. Lives crisscross and intertwine and then separate. Somehow along the way there's always a fork in the road where everybody says goodbye to the people they've grown attached to. Much as I hate it, inevitably, everyone has to bid farewell and it isn't always a Mary Poppins over the rainbow magical exit. Nostalgia and separation anxiety are like fierce lions that rip you apart to shreds, gnawing at your heart.

Do you feel any better about it? No. But you have memories to hang on to, nonetheless. Eventually you'll go on, meet other friends, be happy, then yet again say goodbye. It's a cycle. And the key to self-preservation is to learn that in the end it's only you. Call it selfishness; I call it survival. That's how things are -- learn to deal. Learn to get the most out of everything. Learn to enjoy life as it comes along. The random things. The silly things. The stupid things. Every little happy moment should be seized while they last. They're only good for that particular point in time. Temporary highs have very short shelf lives that's why you should indulge in them while they last.

Life isn't always the best. And it takes a certain degree of insanity to go through it. There are no winners: just people who've learned to dance until the beat stops. So as the song goes, kudos to those who see through the sickness.

(Thank you to the people who've danced and who continue to dance with me -- a special shout-out to Master Che Caparas. You just wait, I'm gonna be a great dancer!)

What's So Wrong With Being Happy? Kudos To Those Who See Through The Sickness.

"Floating in this cosmic jacuzzi
we are like frogs oblivious to the
water starting to boil.
No one flinches, we all float face down."

- "Warning", Incubus

Sturm und Drang

Do not – I repeat, do not – tell me that it is my fault. There’s a speck of dust in my eye, I’m not crying – it’s just a speck of dust – this speck of dust called history, called memories you blew my way, I can’t seem to wipe it, I’m trying, it’s stuck, I don’t want to let go. I am ancient like that, a living fossil, stubborn and unmoving, time is the tide that washes me away fragment by fragment, soul and body, defeated but proud but defeated still, clinging to the fabric slowly unweaving, all that was is gone, and you go and I stay and I say goodbye standing atop a hill waving for you to come back but you disappear like a thread in the eye of a needle, you’ve moved on, they’ve moved on, everyone has moved on. The wind has blown, the ship has set, the ocean becomes blue beyond the curve of the horizon where a sunset turns the world aflame. The earth turns. The universe expands, and stretches into the nether-regions but I am here at the middle waiting for everything to collapse and come rushing back to where it once were, in my arms where we will all find the calm after this storm.